Protest against “Rise of the Machines” in Techkriti

Techkriti Fest

Kanpur. Police fired plastic bullets, tear gas and water cannons at scores of people assembled outside IIT Kanpur protesting against its upcoming technical festival, Techkriti. Police took action after some of the protesters hurled stones at the IIT gate causing some minor injuries to the stationed policemen there. Plainclothes police were seen arresting some demonstrators and escorting them to police vehicles.

A startling discovery was made during interrogation of the detainees. Most of them were found to be students of IITK itself who were against the inviting of renowned Physicist and educator, David J. Griffiths, who is internationally acclaimed for his exceptional contribution to Electrodynamics and Quantum Theory.

Techkriti Fest

Students, reportedly, cried foul about his book, Introduction to Electrodynamics, which being a part of their 1st year’s academic curriculum gave many a student tormented nights, hallucinations and nightmares before their examinations, finally causing them to lose control over their mind. Some of them lamented over the death of the JEE Electrodynamics which they considered quite easy.

According to reports, DJ Griffiths is a part of the Talks of Techkriti. Among the other noteworthy speakers are Dr. Alvin E. Roth (Nobel Laureate, Economics-2012), Rakesh Sharma (the first Indian to travel in Space), Hans Rosling (Data Visionary, Global Health Expert), Jordan Soles (Director of Technology for movies like The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and Now You See me) and many more yet to be revealed.

When contacted by the Faking News, the Dean of Student Affairs (DOSA) of IIT Kanpur expressed his displeasure over the involvement of his students in such an activity.

What was more baffling for the police was the recognition of some non-students in the detainee herd who according to them “had no personal motive” for dissent. One of them who appeared to be heavily under the influence of liquid spirits, claimed to work for an NGO working towards saving nature, lashed out at the administration of the institution for organizing a festival of such a bad taste. Some of them reportedly quoted Rousseau, “We do not know what our nature permits us to be.”

They were against the development of modern technology such as genetic engineering, nanotechnology and robotics claiming them to be “against God and Nature.” Some over-enthusiasts of the movie “Rise of the Machines” disapproved of some of the events in Robogames like Wildsoccer, Quest for the rest, Robo Pirates, iARC declaring them to be inhuman and asserting machine-rule over humans.

They said that such exhibition of technology of the future like Biomimetic Robots, The Decelerator, EZ Robots, Hovertrax and Human Video Face Mapping was polluting and corrupting the minds of the students. Even the girls now prefer humanoids, as they see this as an ideal relationship where they can get all their tasks done without any questions asked. It is rumored that robots even have copulated with women. ‘No one loves robot porn, do they?’ some of the agitators asked.

Some fans of Alok Nath a.k.a. Babuji even despised the Business events in Techkriti like Battlefield, StockSim, Richie Rich and Marketing villa claiming that such events were promoting avarice and greedy acquisitiveness among students and making them forgo their ‘Sanskaars’. Also they were turning students against nature and making them pawns in a war waged by Dalal Street against humanity, as a whole.

An Air Traffic controller in the herd(at least claimed to be) complained that the Aero event “Take Off” which includes, Cruise Control, Impulse and Multi Hover which attracts a lot of participants has made air traffic unmanageable. Reports are also incoming that the military is going to be called in for the talk by Miss World 1998, Linor Abargil, eminent global women activist, keeping in mind the huge crowd it may attract. Some insiders also reveal that due to the large no. of events Techkriti has to offer, it might be converted to a month-long event instead of just a 4-day fest.

There is a general feeling of deject throughout the campus junta as the students, with a heavy heart are making a list of the events they will have to skip. But some students have come up with more sadistic ideas like cutting themselves into halves to attend at least two events, simultaneously.

Due to the large number of students participating and the ever increasing multitude of spectators, some students are complaining that now they have to endure longer queues to go to the washroom and in the mess and have to wait even longer than to book a ticket via IRCTC.

Some of the protestors included friends of those who engaged in Online Events last year said that their friends are still trying to adjust to the normal lifestyle after sitting in front of the computer for a long time playing Crypto, BattleCity and CHAOS. The daylight for them sparkled more than Edward Cullen (The Fairy, remember?).

The police said, in a statement, that they are not ruling any possibility out and chances are that a CBI enquiry might be called for to ascertain if this was a localized demonstration or a bite of a larger conspiracy.

Via: Faking News

Orkut buys BBM for $19, hopeful of recovering the investment

BBM

Brazil. Orkut today officially announced its purchase of the legendary messenger service application, BlackBerry Messenger, which follows suit with the recent purchase of WhatsApp by Facebook.

The Google owned social networking website, which until a few years back was most the most popular one, sealed this deal for a staggering amount of $19. Out of these $10 is being paid in cash, while the rest will be paid in form of Orkut users employees pledging to use BBM in place of Google chat or WhatsApp.

Lucky app

Sources inside Orkut confided to Faking News that this was quite an unpopular decision.

“I admit that BBM is a popular messenger, but is it really worth such a huge amount? We almost completely spent our net quarterly profits on this deal!” the source revealed.

However, top Orkut officials think this is an incredible deal they have managed to get. “Acquiring BBM will help our growth internationally. We are confident that we will recover the amount spent in just over six months,” said one of them.

“We are not yet sure how exactly this growth will occur though, as our analyst analysts have failed to establish a nexus between a messenger app and a social networking website. We plan to talk with Mark about this.”

Meanwhile, BBM users will now have a BBM Pin, an Orkut Pin, and a BBM-Orkut Pin, all three of which they need to enter to add new people to the messenger list.

“It is only a small modification,” claimed Orkut officials, “BBM users are quite accustomed to methods of adding friends which are more complicated secure than other apps, so this will not create any problems. Rather, it will make BBM more secure than ever.”

BlackBerry CEO Thorsten Heins also appeared to be extremely pleased with this deal.

“The entire BlackBerry corporation is extremely happy with this deal. Shareholders worldwide will also have a reason to celebrate, as the stock prices are likely to surge up by 0.01% for about 3 whole minutes, a record high of this decade for us,” he quoted.

Sources from BlackBerry conceded that an amount as big as $19 was never expected, and they had originally hoped to seal the deal for around $5.

Via: Faking News

Mosquitoes from MP clarify that they were kissing Rahul Gandhi in 2008

Rahul Gandhi kissed in Assam

Sagar, MP. A day after Rahul Gandhi was showered with kisses by women in Assam, mosquitoes from Bundelkhand area of Madhya Pradesh have clarified that back in 2008 they too were kissing the Congress Vice President – a compassionate act that Rahul confused for malicious attack.

“Our intention was to kiss Rahul Gandhi, not to harm him. He misinterpreted our love and affection,” said Lui Singh, head of Bundelkhand Mosquito Sangh.

Lui Singh was speaking on behalf of the families and descendants of those 25,000 mosquitoes, who were accused of attacking Rahul Gandhi and spoiling his tour.

Rahul Gandhi being kissed by human beings

“There was a deliberate confusion created by media about the kisses,” Lui Singh further explained, “Those were female mosquitoes who were kissing Rahul Gandhi. But since science textbooks have spread this sexist prejudice about female mosquitoes that only they bite human beings, the kisses were confused as bites.”

“If Rahul baba felt nauseated or feverish, it might be due to other factors, not due to our kisses,” the head of Bundelkhand Mosquito Sangh claimed.

“I mean, Digvijay Singh or something. But not us,” Lui added.

Congress sources tell Faking News that the clarification by the mosquitoes has won Rahul Gandhi’s heart, and he has forgiven them.

“On behalf of Congress, I invite them to join our party. Considering their huge network, I hope they will be very helpful in spreading Congress’ buzz across whole India,” Rahul Gandhi later issued a formal statement.

“We also aim to empower them,” Rahul Gandhi promised.

On cue with Rahul’s response, Bundelkhand’s local Congress workers, who were in state of enmity with the local mosquitoes after the 2008 incident, have invited the mosquitoes for a grand dinner at party office that will empower them by removing their hunger.

“Each of us will donate 20 ml of our blood for the dinner,” promised a Congress member, “If my blood helps the party and Rahul Gandhi ji, I will be the happiest person.”

“This is another jewel in crown of our charismatic leader Rahul Gandhi. Insaanon ko chhodo, hindustan ka machhar machhar Rahul Ji ka deewana hai,” Congress leader Rajeev Shukla expressed his happiness over the development.

Shukla further claimed that the incident proved that there was a huge wave in support of Congress in the country.

“These mosquitoes were part of BJP earlier and had joined the party after Narendra Modi had congratulated them on biting Rahul ji,” Shukla claimed while talking to media, “So this should be seen as thousands of BJP supporters deserting BJP to join Congress.”

Sources say that Congress is planning to use mosquitoes as brand ambassadors and spokespersons too.

“Each mosquito bite should be seen as a kiss – jan jan ko chhua, jan jivan badla,” a Congress leader said. The leader requested the party high command to pass orders for creating environment that promotes mosquitoes’ breeding.

Meanwhile, fumed over Congress-mosquitoes alliance, BJP has vowed to kill all the mosquitoes in all the states ruled by them.

“What can one expect from the party of mass murderers?” Congress leaders Salman Khurshid and Mani Shankar Aiyar released a joint statement, which overshadowed Rahul Gandhi’s statement of pardoning the mosquitoes.

Via: Faking News

Unable to get an accommodation in Mumbai, man tries to commit crimes to get into Arthur Road jail

Luxurious jail

Mumbai. A 24-year-old educated man yesterday created huge commotion when he was let off after being caught picking pocket outside Mumbai Police commissioner’s residence in Bandra.

Visibly happy on being caught, he later lost his cool and created ruckus when the policeman, and the man whose pocket he picked, decided to let him off with just a warning.

Beghar Arora, originally from Rohtak, came to Mumbai a year back in search of a job in the city, but soon found himself busy searching for a home. Almost every accommodation that he was shown by property agents turned out to be beyond his budget. Even the relative with whom he was temporarily put up, gave him notice to vacate the drying area next to kitchen that he was occupying.

Beghar’s imagination of life inside Arthur Road Jail.

Frustrated with the failure to find a place even after 12 months in the city, Beghar decided to commit crimes that would help him get a suite in the Arthur road jail, which he felt was the best possible NPG (non-paying guest) accommodation a man could get in the city.

The police authorities confirm that Beghar had tried to give himself in on several occasions earlier, but failed. First he claimed responsibilities for all the bomb blasts that have happened in India since independence, but was thrown out on Home Minsiter Sushil Kumar Shinde’s command. Shinde also called him yeda.

“Once he even came up dressed as Dawood Ibrahim to our police station, but was later caught and thrown out again when he started over-acting like Sonu Sood of Shootout at Wadala,” confirmed sub-inspector of Antop-hill police station.

He then realized that petty criminals in India are often considered more dangerous and treated more savagely than hardened criminals, and accordingly changed his modus operandi and decided to pick pockets right outside commissioner’s home to get noticed and caught easily.

“I have heard a lot about how people like Abu Salem lead luxurious life in the jail. I am pretty sure he became a criminal only to survive in Mumbai and lead a respectable life of a convict inside a jail rather than struggle outside,” Beghar told Faking News while planning his next crime.

“And one can always spend his night at a jail and take parole in the morning to go out for work,” Beghar further revealed the plan he had in mind.

Meanwhile Mumbai Police has requested media not to show stories of hospitality that some high profile criminals get in the jails which can lead to increase in such cases.

Via: Faking News