After a series of hate-mails, angry press conferences and non-stop support for the Facebook game “Throw a shoe at your favorite politician”, all organized by a proactive Women Rights’ group, the Supreme Court has decided to take some radical decisions concerning the safety of women in India. Acting on suggestions of an engineering student, the court has decided that new eye-patches shall be available in the market for men who say women should not wear short clothes.
Judge: Men can show skin, why can’t women?
The judge said in comments after his verdict, “It has been brought to the court’s notice that it is none of the business of men what women wear or don’t wear. After all, men have always had the propensity to get bare-chested for no reason in the past (read: Salman Khan). So, why can’t women wear short clothes as they see fit? They too need the Vitamin D and the tan lines like men do, don’t they?”
“My husband used duct tape to cover my skin”
The revolutionary judgment has given all women the license to get any man eye-patched as they deem fit. Some women have utilized this license to get even their own husbands eye-patched. Ambika, who works at the gym as an instructor, said, “He did not like me wearing short clothes, always insisting I wear XXL sarees wrapped around myself a hundred times. This one time, he even tried to use duct tape to cover my skin that the saree could not cover. Talk about being possessive. He got what he deserved.”
Men to be fitted with double eye-patches.
Engineers not spared
The rule of eye-patches has also been extended to the men who insist women wear only short clothes. Engineering students were seen scrambling for their lives into their almirahs as authorities showed up to install the eye-patches on them.
NTMN caught up with one student, Vaivaa Rambharosey, who seemed agitated. “What the heck man? It was my idea, this whole eye-patch thing. But, why are they rounding up engineering students? We care about women and their short clothes. We want them to feel safe and wear as less clothes as they wish. Why the hostility against us?” By this time, one women rights’ activist had got her hands on him, and dragged him with extraordinary strength to the nearby Quarantine room.
According to the rule, an eye-patch, once installed, can only be removed if the man proves himself to be:
a) Completely fine with women in his friend circle and family wearing short clothes at any time of the day.
b) Cured of the disease of staring at women in short clothes by the use of this eye-tonic as prescribed by a Government doctor.
Eye-patch vending machines go missing just like the condom machines
The Government, meanwhile, has decided that eye-patches can be a substitute for condoms, since as long as men can’t see, they won’t be aroused. So, an order to install eye-patch vending machines in all corners of cities was passed earlier this week. But, like its predecessor, 90% of the eye-patch machines have gone missing already. The Government has thus released a warning: Thieves, eye-patches are for wearing on the eye. These are not condoms. We repeat, these are not condoms.
Some women extremists have demanded that eye-patches be installed on every single person in the male community, including new-born boys. The Supreme Court has duly rejected the demand, citing the need to punish only those who deserve it. Due to the sharp rise in demand, eye-patches are now available in designer shades, ranging from pirate eye-patches to Cyclops eye-patches. The Zorro eye-patch is also just around the corner.
Asaram, Tejpal on the hit-list
Some rather famous Indian figures have come under the scanner after the SC’s order. Shiela Dikshit, despite being a woman, has been fixed with an eye-patch for many a times suggesting in the past that it was the fault of the woman. Baba Ramdev, has also been punished, for still continuing to wink at women in his shivirs. Asaram Bapu, Tarun Tejpal, Narayan Sai, former SC judge A K Ganguly and many more are currently on the eye-patch list.
If you know someone who should also be on this list, drop a comment below. The drive of eye-patching men is exclusively sponsored by NTMN, and we will be only too happy to eye-patch more of them.
This article is dedicated to the recent gangrape victim from Assam, who was not only raped and beaten by four men inside a tempo, but also had her eyes carved out by them and then killed. Find the report here.