Presenting an exclusive interview with the most powerful, not to mention most progressive-thinking man in the country, Mr. Narendra Modi.
Rishi (R): Good afternoon Prime Minister. Such an honour to meet you.
NaMo: No such thing, no such thing. A PM must meet his people. How else can he stay in touch with reality?
R: Umm, I don’t know what to say to that. First of all, my congratulations on completing five spectacular months in office without anyone resigning or any minister being accused of a scam. How does it feel?
N: There’s always a surprise waiting for you when you form the Government. Look what happened to my friend Vajpayee when he first assumed office. Heh, I am one up on him, eh? (Laughs)
R: Yes yes, very much. You don’t even bore us with poetry yet. You have done your first radio show since assuming office, how does that feel?
N: Mann ki Baat was very close to my heart. (Starts staring off into imaginary space)
R: Rahul Gandhi has even started his own show on radio after you.
N: Ha, that is Monkey Baat. I like that show. It reminds me of Hanuman and his brothers when I hear Rahul speak about it. Pity I can’t understand his accent. I remember when the radio was invented, Ram said he never knew he could sing and people all over Ayodhya could hear him.
R: Ram? Which Ram? Jethmalani?
N: No no! Ram – Lord Ram. Laxman ka bhai.
R: Sir, respectfully, how could you know that? Surely, you don’t look that old.
“One drop of tulsi kadha could make you a mutant in the past”
N: Time travel, my friend. How do you think Lord Krishna knew all the crucial information regarding the war before it happened during Mahabharata? Is it really that implausible that I’ve had the honour of glimpsing into that glorious past?
R: Are you saying that you’ve been in an actual time travel machine?
N: It’s your interpretation; I never said that. But, yes, I have.
R: Wow, sir. You continue to amaze us. But, don’t you think Ganeshji having a plastic surgery is taking it a little too far.
N: No, Shahrukh Khan still thinking he can act is taking too far. You accuse me of living in the past? What about that man who still thinks he is 20?
R: I’m sure SRK has a witty response to that. But coming back to your speech today, do you really think talking about these things in a room full of doctors can really help you? I mean, they are very learned, they have to study for years and years to do what they do.
N: These doctors are fools! They know nothing.
R: Really? What makes you say that?
N: Have you heard what they say about smoking? They say it causes cancer. Where do thay have the proof for that? I’m telling you, I’ve been to so many industries in the past and I haven’t seen one chimney with cancer. Heck, not even read about it. How can they say that? Fools!
R: Sir, at this point I am wondering what you are smoking.
N: (continues rambling) Now Sushruta, he was a real doctor. He knew real medicine. Ayurveda, that is the new thing in America. I like those people. Adopting and learning from the past. Yoga, they are practicing it. We need to bring back our values. America is such a beautiful country.
R: Sir, I guess you were smitten on your recent trip to the US.
N: Yes. What wonderful people, what wonderful culture. Yoda was a great leader. Obama is following in his footsteps.
R: Sir, Star Wars was fictitious.
N: See? Indians always doubt the past. I don’t like the questions you are asking. The Americans never questioned anything I said. They even turned up in huge numbers to meet me.
R: Okay, let me ask you the final question of this interview and you can get rid of me. What is your next move as PM?
N: Learning from the past. We will make marijuana legal in all states, especially Gujarat. God knows those people deserve it.
R: Marijuana? Seriously?
N: Yes. Shiva smoked it all the time and he was a great man. We can become a great nation if we smoke it every day. And after that, we will adopt Kamasutra in our school syllabus. Enough of this Sex Education nonsense our kids learn. We need real books, real history.
R: Sir, I think you are going to make waves. Have you always been a proponent of these ideas?
N: What do you think made my chai so popular? (winks)
The article is based on the following news report.